Wednesday, June 29, 2005


I think God allows me go through the trials of life so I will learn that I can't do it on my own, that I need him and so I'll turn to him to lift me up. I had a moment (okay, maybe it was more like a couple weeks) of darkness, craziness, weakness, but I see the sun rising in the distance and am starting to feel it's warmth on my face once again.

Friday, June 17, 2005


Do you ever notice that some days, the weather reflects what you are feeling inside? It's almost as if my moods control the weather... or does the weather control my mood? I don't know. It seems like the first option. I feel very unsettled. In fact, I've been feeling this way for almost a week. But it really hit me hard yesterday afternoon. It was a bright and sunny day, but this unsettling feeling kept growing. Even at the end of the day when I was driving home from work, it was 85 degrees and sunny, yet the feeling grew. Then, when I could no longer control my emotions - my anger, my pain... I started crying and it started raining. The harder I cried, the harder it rained and the skies echoed my thunderous sobs. The lighting ripped through the sky just as the memories ripped me apart once again. Then the was the calm after the storm as my sobs subsided and I drifted off into a peaceful slumber. This morning, I feel slightly refreshed, but still sad, still unsettled. I looked at the weather report for the weekend... you guessed it - scattered thunderstorms all weekend.

Does it ever truly end - this unbearable heartbreak?