Sunday, September 21, 2008

Losing Faith

"I'm pregnant." "I miscarried." "I'm getting a divorce."

That's all I seem to be hearing lately. It's sad. Four women in my office have gotten pregnant this year, three have miscarried, including one of my best friends. Three people in my church have gotten pregnant in the last few months, two have miscarried. My little sister (age 19) just found out she is pregnant...

Divorces seem to be as rampant as miscarriages... Two of my close friends are going through it right now. One has been married for just over 2 years, the other has been married almost as long, but this is her 2nd divorce. How do you not lose faith in marriage when everyone around you is getting divorced?

I feel like I'm losing faith in a lot of things - losing hope all together. Depression sucks - you can't fake yourself better.

Friday, September 5, 2008

When Harry Met Sally?

I am pretty sure I've touched on this topic in the past, but I don't feel like scanning the archives so I'll bring it up again. Not like I expect a response, but input is always appreciated...

Can men and women really be platonic friends? It's a question that was brought up continually throughout the movie When Harry Met Sally.

Just when I think - YES!!! Women and men CAN, in fact, be platonic friends, the male friends in my life start proving me wrong. I have a friend who has been a wonderful friend to me over the last [almost] four years - and he just confessed to me that he has always felt that I was special (duh! just kidding) and that he wishes things were different. I visited him when John and I went to the coast in May on our skydiving trip and he told me today that he was so disappointed that I was with John because he was very excited when he found out I was in his neck of the woods and he really wanted to spend some one-on-one time with me.

He was concerned that by telling me this, I'd be freaked out, but I'm not. I'm just kind of sad. I'm trying to decide how to react. Do I back off - I mean, I share a lot about my life with him and he reciprocates. I've known a couple of his girlfriends and he has met a few of the men who have actually had a place in my life. We talk openly about a lot of things, though I am still pretty guarded about others. So I just wonder how this relationship will change. I don't want to encourage any strong feelings from him or strengthen them in any way. But I also don't want to lose a friend for whom I care very deeply.

Crap... you know - I think WOMEN can be friends with MEN, but MEN can't be friends with WOMEN...

In other news - I'm struggling with some stuff I don't have time to write about... Your prayers are coveted.

Thursday, September 4, 2008



Why is that such a difficult lesson to learn?

Because I want to believe the best about people. And I want others to believe the best in me, regardless of what I am showing them.
Because I'm afraid people will see who I am, the things I've done, my weaknesses - and they'll hold it against me.
Because I believe in giving second chances - and third, and fourth, and... because I've been given more chances than I deserve.

I have learned to guard my heart (okay, so it's practically Fort Knox) so that when someone fails me, it doesn't affect me so deeply. I'm not saying this is the best way of dealing, but right about now, I'm grateful for my walls.