Thursday, January 29, 2009

25 Things

Okay so I've been tagged three times and I know you are supposed to tag others, but I'm not going to. Here goes...
1. I used to store bacon (and other food, but loved bacon the most) in my cheeks for hours when I was a toddler.
2. I have horribly ugly toenails so they are always painted.
3. I married my first love. That relationship lasted 7 years, 4 of those were married years.
4. One of my all time favorite quotes is "I love Jesus, but I drink a little." by Gladys Hardy (On the Ellen show)
5. I love Jesus, but I despise the religious nuts who turn people away from Christianity with their judgment, doctrines and hypocricy and because they don't truly represent WHO Christ is... his love, grace, mercy, forgiveness... We are ALL sinners, ALL hypocrites, ALL in need of a Savior.
6. I've traveled to all 50 states - in less than a year after my divorce.
7. I've never broken a bone, but I've had stitches a few times.
8. I used to be painfully shy, but most people who know me now would never guess it.
9. I have received a job offer for every position I've ever interviewed for except one.
10. I was recently laid off and it's the first time I've ever left a job NOT on my terms. Kinda scary.
11. I sucked on a fish's head once when I was about a year old... yes, the head was still attached to the body and yes it was still alive... freaked my mom out!
12. My parents were missionaries to the Philippines when I was 9.
13. I went skydiving twice last year and have two trips planned this year.
14. I'm determined to not let FEAR stop me from LIVING and experiencing as much as this life has to offer.
15. I never ever want to have children (but as a woman, I reserve the right to change my mind). It's almost impossible to find a man who doesn't want kids... Who would've thunk it??
16. I have 10 siblings. I'm the oldest girl, second oldest child.
17. In 7th grade, right after relocating from Phoenix, AZ to Juneau, AK - a young boy ensured his place in my life and captured my heart and friendship forever when he took the blame for my fart during sit-ups in P.E. class. Andy Boman is my BFF!!!
18. I'm right handed, but left-eye dominant - which makes it difficult to shoot a rifle, but I'm an excellent shot with a handgun.
19. Only once in my life (and hopefully never again) did I think I would actually have to use that gun in self defense. Thank God he rescued me.
20. I have had so many near-death experiences that I'm no longer afraid of dying. When it's my time, I'll go.
21. Although I'm not afraid of dying, I'm terrified of drowning...
22. I have a love/hate relationship with running.
23. I struggle with more insecurities than anyone would ever believe - but I have almost mastered the art of appearing confident to everyone I come in contact with.
24. I have a seemingly insurmountable amount of debt and can't seem to get out.
25. I absolutely love my life, my freedom and my GIRLFRIENDS.

Friday, January 23, 2009


So, I've been seeing this guy, Ken, for 8 weeks now... well, a little longer, but our first official date was 8 weeks ago today.

I like him. But being in this new relationship, lots of insecurities are coming to the surface that I didn't even know existed. I am also experiencing emotions that I have not allowed for many years - vulnerability, jealousy, feelings of inadequacy - just to name a few. I'm not quite sure how to handle all of it. Part of me just wants to end it and walk away and not have to deal with any emotional discomfort (growth?). But part of me would miss him very much. I like him - even in spite of what I consider to be his flaws.

Laid Off

I was laid off from my job as Executive Assistant with SRM Development on Friday, January 16th. I don't know what it is about that day (was my wedding anniversary and also the day my ex husband moved out), but I'm tempted to make a note on my calendar for future years to stay in bed that day.

I really thought I was safe through at least one more round of lay offs. After the November layoffs, the company tried to reassure everyone and ensured that no more layoffs were expected. I didn't believe that, but really thought they would do it by seniority. At least seniority by department, but seeing as how there is a young man still employed in my department with only about a year of service under his belt, and I, with 4 years was let go... well, it just confirms my 4-year suspicion that the company is still a "good ol' boys club" and unless you've got an extra appendage between your legs, you're screwed. :) Honestly, I am not just being bitter - that really is how it is around there. When I asked about their reasoning for letting me go instead of Jeff, my boss looked completely perplexed and said that Jeff's name never even came up, but that I brought up a good point because he made about what I make (a little more, actually) and he's no more qualified than I am and he's not doing anything that I'm not capable of taking over... but in the end, the decision had already been made. Boss man even acknowledged that he knew it wasn't a satisfactory answer, but that was the final answer.

Jim, my boss, really is a good guy. I know it was hard for him to lay me off because I think he really does care about what happens to me. It's also going to suck for him because I did EVERYTHING for the man. He negotiated double my severance pay so I'm grateful for that, but he's contacted me a couple times already earlier this week because he didn't know where something was or how to do something. I went in and worked half the day for free on Wednesday and will be going back in sometime early next month to train someone on a couple of my duties... I know that is above and beyond and I get a lot of crap from my friends for working for free, but he did double my severance and he has done me a lot of favors over the years. This is one bridge I don't want to burn... in fact, I need to strengthen it because I may very well need that network sooner or later.

The job market here in Spokane is not great. There are a lot of job openings for entry or very low level administrative/customer service positions, but no Human Resources or Executive Assistant jobs. I know I may have to take a cut in pay, but I'm just not ready to accept a $5 or $6/hour cut quite yet. In the mean time, I'll be making a little more than half my salary in unemployment...

I'm trying to keep a positive attitude and keep the faith that God has a plan and He will guide me to where I need to be. Trying to keep my eyes and ears open (both physically and spiritually speaking) for opportunities. I'm open to moving, but it would have to be the right job... because I'd be leaving behind a wonderful group of friends and a man that I'm growing more fond of with each moment I spend with him. Wondering if it's time to start distancing myself so it doesn't hurt so much if/when I have to move...