Sunday, April 15, 2007


Seriously - shoot me already...

I need a new start in a new town - where no one knows my name.

Tuesday, April 3, 2007


I am FAR from perfect. I try to live my life the best I know how and have set some incredibly difficult standards for myself. I don't always live up to them, unfortunately. In fact, quite often I fail miserably, hurting and disappointing not only myself, but everyone else around me. I reap the consequences of my actions and sometimes those actions or consequences affect others as well. I am a horrible example of what a Christian should be… a hypocrite, if you will.

I find that I can relate quite well to Paul's struggle, as written in Romans 7:14-25:

"We know that the law is spiritual; but I am unspiritual, sold as a slave to sin. I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.

So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!

So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."

The topic of hypocrisy was brought up by someone I met this past weekend. While he was not referring to me, it felt like I had been punched in the gut because I realized that I fall into that category. I know we all fail, we all miss the mark, but when it causes someone else to stumble or leaves a bad taste in their mouth about Christians in general, then it's a big deal. It's something that I know I will have to answer to God for when I stand before Him on judgment day.

I know that when I meet someone and they appear to be a certain way and then I get a glimpse into the life they really lead, the way they REALLY are, it can be disappointing. But I have no place to judge – because I know there are those out there who see me in a more positive light than they should. They think more highly of me than I deserve.

What a wretched woman I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death?

I am so thankful that I am saved by grace.