Monday, May 21, 2007


There is not much I hate more than rumors!!! Lately, I have been the victim of a few unfounded rumors which cast a negative light on me and call into question my character, morals and integrity. It's frustrating. I'm 29 (as of today) and I feel like I'm in high school! I wish people would just come to me if they have a problem or a question or hear something, instead of spreading lies about me. By no means am I anywhere close to perfect - I fail miserably very often. I can do enough damage to myself and my reputation without anyone else's help, thank you very much!!!

Friday, May 4, 2007

Sometimes we only get one chance...

Wednesday, I was sent to run an errand at work and decided since I was already out, I would stop at a grocery store a couple blocks away to pick something up for lunch. I needed to get back to the office, so I was in a bit of a hurry when I got there. As I was walking into the store, I noticed there was a police officer standing next to his car, a couple walking away and another lady stopped and leaned against a pillar right outside the door. I remember thinking about how there are always poor and homeless people hanging out around that particular store... Right as I was about to go through the door, I heard the woman who was leaning against the pillar start crying. She was sobbing loudly. I hesitated for a moment, feeling sorry for her and wondering if I should go to her. I noticed that her pants were wet and she had clearly lost control of her bladder. And I kept walking.

The entire time I was in the store, I was thinking that there was nothing I could do for her and I was more worried about taking care of my own needs than anything else. Get in, get what I needed and get back to work as soon as possible. It kept nagging at me though and I reasoned with myself that if she was still there when I paid for my stuff, I'd talk to her and try to help her in whatever way I could. I made a mental note that I had a blanket in the back of my car that I could cover the seat with if I needed to give her a ride somewhere. There were only 2 checkout lines open and they were both moving at a snail's pace, increasing my irritability. As soon as I got out of there, I looked for her, but she was no longer leaning against the pillar. "Oh well, she must have figured something out," I thought as I rushed to my car to head back to work. But this feeling kept nagging at me as I was driving back to the office, so I turned around and drove back toward the store. I said a quick prayer, asking God to forgive me for my selfishness and promising that if I could find her, I'd help her. I drove around the store a couple times and down all the streets in about a 2 block radius of the store and she was no where to be found. By this time, I felt so incredibly convicted, but there was nothing I could do so as I drove back toward the office again, I sincerely repented for not obeying that still small voice that I heard when I first saw the lady; the voice that made me hesitate briefly and feel compassion for her. I promised God that next time I'd listen. So about 5 blocks from the office, I was stopped at a stop light and a lady on the street motioned for me to roll down my window. I did without hesitation. She had just missed her bus and needed a ride. I let her in the car and drove her to her destination just a couple blocks from my office. She was very grateful and normally that small act would make me feel pretty good too - that I had the opportunity to help someone and did. This time, I got no joy from it. For two days now, I have not been able to get the other lady out of my mind. Maybe she was homeless. Maybe she was drunk. Maybe she was mentally ill. I will never know. But I do know being at a place of desperation, that place where emotion takes over and it doesn't matter where you are, you can't stop the flood of tears and the sobbing and you have to stop and lean against something just to keep from falling on your face in utter despair; that place where your pride goes out the window. How many of us have been so broken, so overwhelmed, so desperate, so embarrassed, that we just break down like that - without regard to where we are or who sees us? Most of us are able to maintain our composure at least until we can have a few moments alone. This lady obviously couldn't. And I saw that, and I felt just a hint of her grief, but ultimately was too worried about my time schedule than another human being. I figured she'd probably still be around after I was done doing what I wanted to do. After all, if she was homeless, how far could she get? I assumed I'd at least see her walking down the street... I was wrong.

The thing that this taught me is that sometimes we are faced with an opportunity and so many times we get one chance to do the right thing. We only get one chance. We can't just hit a "rewind" button and choose to do it over a different way. We are presented with opportunities to make a difference in someone else's life. How often do I ignore those opportunities because of my selfishness and justify it by telling myself that someone else is better equipped to handle that situation than I am? All too often I am complacent, selfish, prideful or simply lack the confidence that I have anything to offer. But the thing is, I do have something to offer. I have love, I have time... but most importantly, I have God. I hope that I never forget that moment of selfish disobedience and how badly I have felt since then. Because next time I'm faced with an opportunity, I want to do the right thing. What if that had been me? What if it had been my mother or sister or friend? Whoever she was, she was a lost sheep, a child of God, created in His image and likeness. She was not a mistake. God has a plan for her life and knew her before she was even born. She is my equal, at the very least. I am reminded, yet again that whatever I have done unto "the least of these," I've done unto the Lord (or have not done, as the case may be). Matthew 25:34-46