Thursday, May 28, 2009


Camping last weekend was a blast! Ken even came out on Sunday afternoon and stayed the night even though he had to work Monday afternoon. I can't even tell you how happy that made me. I was impressed! He didn't sleep well (he forgot his pillow and I never bring pillows camping) but he never complained about anything and he seemed to have a really good time. He even got along with my friends. Why does this surprise me so much??? Probably because I just expect everyone to be as unsociable as my ex-husband. Ken definitely earned points with me this weekend.

Tuesday morning, I was supposed to be at work an hour early for a Board Meeting and I totally spaced it. I got a call at 7:10 from a coworker asking if I was on my way. Um, no! I was standing there stark naked trying to decide what to wear. I got to work a little after 7:30 and beat myself up about being late all day. But then Scott pulled me aside and said, Sandra, the bosses think you shit gold nuggets so stop being so hard on yourself. Ha! I do feel fortunate that my bosses think so highly of me (so far).

Today was a rough day. I don't know what it is, but I had a really hard time with patience. I wanted to rip everyone's heads off. I swear it was national idiot drivers day and then at work people were just driving me crazy. But tonight was my birthday dinner with "The Girls" and that always makes everything all better. I don't know what I'd do without them. Sometimes it sucks not having any family around, but these girls are closer than family. One of these days, I'll have the words to do them justice. All I know is that when I'm with them, everything bad in my world seems to disappear, the sun shines brighter and the smile never leaves my lips. I know that I could face anything in the world as long as I had them by my side!

I don't remember if I posted about De's son and his brain aneurysm. De works closely with my office and his 24 year old son has been in the hospital and had to have open brain surgery after a less invasive surgery failed. Well, all was going well after the brain surgery and they were so impressed with his progress that they sent him home a couple days earlier than expected. A day later, he died. I read the "invitation" to the funeral/celebration of life service. It got me thinking about what kind of legacy I'm leaving behind. What would those around me say about me if I were to unexpectedly meet my end? I should be more mindful of how my life is affecting those around me. I think it might make me live a little better.

Well, I'm fat and happy tonight and my eyelids are already getting heavy. On top of that, I'm almost too warm. I think it's almost that time of year where I have to venture down to the basement storage and dig out my window air conditioner.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Birthdays and Stuff

My sis had her baby on Thursday. He's a cutie - at least from the picture on Anchorage Regional Hospital's baby page. Can't wait to meet him.

Saw Scott & Trouble when they were over this way on Friday... Took them to an old karaoke haunt. It was fun, but who did we run into?? John... the guy I was seeing last summer. He was sucking face with some chick with bunny ears (costume party). After a brief conversation, he kept his distance for the most part. But of course, as always happens when he runs into me somewhere, he called me a couple days later saying that he hasn't been able to stop thinking about me since he saw me. He misses me, remembers what a good thing he had, wanted to know if he could take me to breakfast, even asked what I wanted for my birthday, etc... It irritates me really. I want to be wanted, needed, loved. I want to be missed. But I want someone to realize what they have when they actually have me! Not after it's over and I've moved on. I know I've complained about this before and not to beat a dead horse, but when will men be satisfied with what is right in front of them?

I'm feeling rather melancholy today and I hate that. I don't know where this loneliness is coming from. I spent the last few days with Ken and it's been great. But today - well, this evening anyway - I just feel lonely and sad and bored. Stoooopid! I guess tomorrow I babysit for an hour or so (which will probably turn into a couple hours) and then Thursday, Ken is taking me to dinner for my birthday. And then I have no idea what I'm doing for the 3 day weekend. I'm a little sad that Ken has to work - I was really hoping to go to Leavenworth or something. I would love to go camping, but I'm just not up for doing it alone this time.

So, speaking of my birthday, I've had a lot of emails from friends wondering what's the birthday plan. I've never really been one to plan my own party. Guess if I want to see my friends, I'll have to though. I do love my birthday, but something tells me this one will be quiet and uneventful. Guess that's part of being in a relationship with someone who is an introvert and doesn't know many of my friends yet.

Ken's birthday is June 3rd. Trying to plan something for him, but it's not easy. I have been thinking that he just hasn't introduced me to a lot of his friends, but turns out, I know most of them. I asked him who his 5 closest friends were yesterday and he could only name 4... and 2 of them he hardly talks to or sees. I wanted to plan a surprise party, but it looks like I'll have to settle for just a small get-together at a mutual friend's house the weekend after his b-day. I bought him tickets to the Nickleback concert at the Gorge in August. Hope he is happy with the gift. He has been complaining that he has no idea what to get me. For someone who is usually observant and a very intent listener, he hasn't picked up on a single hint that I've dropped to try to make it easier for him. Men!

I love how quickly music can turn my mood around. I have so much negativity right now but I'm already starting to feel better. Maybe it's time to sign off and turn up the music!

Thursday, May 14, 2009


I finally had a conversation with Ken about something that has been bothering me for the past few months. I actually cried. I can't remember the last time I cried in front of a man or because of a man for that matter. He felt so bad, apologized over and over again and seemed sincerely sorry that his actions hurt me so deeply. I wonder if he'll really change.

Saw Star Trek last night. LOVED it!!! I think it might be the best one yet. I think I need a Star Trek movie marathon night sometime soon.

My little sister has been in the hospital for over 48 hours and is just now dilated to 8 cm. They induced labor and broke her water over 24 hours ago. This baby needs to come out, but he just doesn't seem quite ready. Can't say that I blame him!

I listened to a 911 recording today that broke my heart. A mother called when she found her 11 year old daughter hanging in her closet. I can't even imagine what that would do to a mother, but the grief, the terror in her voice was unbearable.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Happy Mom's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all you beautiful moms! You certainly don't get the credit you deserve. I'm sitting here, in the sun in the backyard of the house I'm house-sitting, drinking a strawberry margarita and missing my own mother.

My mom is an incredible woman who has gone through more in her short (almost) 50 years than anyone else I know. She has given birth to 11 children, including one set of twins, that range in age from 4 years old to 32, and she has lost 3. She is a grandmother to 5 children, one step-grandchild, one on the way and one in Heaven. She's been a mother since she was 17 years old. She has been married, divorced, survived some abusive relationships and remarried. She has taught me so much about life, love, forgiveness and grace. She's made some horrible choices and paid dearly for those. She's taught me a lot in life - about what to do and what NOT to do. But the thing about my mom that impresses me the most; the most valuable lesson that she has taught, both in word and action, is that when you fall down, when you fail, when you disappoint yourself, God and all those around you - you GET BACK UP!!! Period! You don't give up, you don't stop trying to be a better person. You don't walk away from your faith with your head hung down in shame. You don't let the opinions, the gossip, the cruelty of others or your own guilt and shame keep you down. You get your eyes back on the path, refocus, repent and you get back up and keep on walking... EVERY TIME!!! It doesn't matter if you make the fail a hundred times - you don't give up. There is grace! There is forgiveness. There is mercy....

Although I don't always agree with my mom and she has the ability to frustrate me more than any other person I know, I love her more than any other person on the planet. I could write a book about her, but most of it would be unbelievable. Just suffice it to say, I love her. I miss her. She is the most amazing woman I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


It's nice to be hit on.

I wish I could cry... I feel the need for a good, cleansing release.

Since when did communicating with men become so difficult for me? Did I forget how to speak Man-ese?

Ever wonder just what the hell you are doing?

I feel a storm coming on... lots of stuff boiling under the surface...

I survived another Bloomsday on Sunday. My time was my worst yet at 1:23. I don't recommend drinking yourself stupid (or bitchy, as Ken put it) 2 nights before a 7.4 mile run.

I love watching people dance.

I should be sleeping...

...Goodnight Moon!