Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Why is it so difficult to learn?

"When people show you who they are, believe them!"

This is a quote that a friend of mine repeats to me pretty often - apparently I have a hard time learning that lesson. Today, I actually had the opportunity to pass on that wisdom... Hopefully we will both truly learn to do that.

I mean, how many chances am I going to give someone to prove to me that they are different than what they are showing me?

Tuesday, August 1, 2006


I just got back last night from my trip to Seattle to see my brother, Jacqelli and her grandma and my lovely niece Kiara. I met them in Seattle and we spent Friday night there. Saturday morning, we got a late start, but decided to drive down to Seaside and Cannon Beach, Oregon. One of my favorite places in the country. My little brother had never been there and Jacqelli and I both felt like we needed a visit to the beach. It was good to feel the sand between my toes, the cold water lapping at my ankles and the wind in my face... Tranquil. Healing. I felt like I could actually breathe. I don't feel like that here. Not usually anyway.

We spent Saturday afternoon and evening on the beach, went out to dinner and decided to stay the night in Seaside and drive back to Seattle on Sunday. Sunday morning, as we were walking into the Pig N Pancake for breakfast, I ran into a friend of mine from Coeur d'Alene. Its a small world! Or at least a small corner of the US here in the Northwest. We were talking about how much we both need some girl time so were planning a trip to Boise probably mid-August. Anyways, after breakfast and another walk on the beach and through town, we hit the road, but stopped to pick blackberries for a while. That stop and the traffic as we got closer to Seattle set me back a few hours. After we got to their hotel, I jumped in the car and drove another 4 ½ hours to Spokane.

On Saturday night, at Cannon Beach, there was a bride in a lovely gown and her new husband. They were doing the wedding pictures on the beach and while the photographer was rounding up family members for a shot, the groom wrapped his arm around his new bride, dipped her back as they shared the most incredibly passionate kiss. I'm usually not a big fan of weddings, but that moment deeply affected me. Maybe it was the memories of my own wedding on a beach in Mexico I dont know. It made me miss being a wife and loving someone so completely. It made me miss being wrapped up in strong arms and...

This weekend, there were moments like that one that made me feel lonely and sad and miss married life. But then, there were also moments that made me thankful for my freedom and independence. Thankful for the walls I've put up I have a couple of suitors, if you will, and I have been pushing them away lately. It's not easy, but I know its for the best in the long run. I don't expect others to understand that. In fact, a lot of people dont understand how I can possibly be happy until I have a man in my life. I believe that wholeness comes from a deep and personal relationship with Christ. And that is what I have to keep my focus on. Everything else will fall into place when it's supposed to. Im confident of that. Until then, I'll just keep on keepin' on and enjoying this freedom that I so cherish.

I wrote a long post, but lost it. Hopefully I got enough out that I'll be able to sleep though. Insomnia sucks!

And I'll leave you with a picture I took this weekend. Enjoy.