Uncomfortable Truth

I'm agitated... not in a good place...

You know when someone says something to you and as much as you deny it, the truth of it just starts to burrow it's way under your skin and into your nerves and just makes you very uncomfortable?

That's kind of where I am.

But I don't know what to do about it.

Personal Rant

I consider myself a pretty upbeat person most days. I am happy, outgoing, friendly and generally optimistic. My journal sees more varied emotions and low points than even my closest friends. Often, people comment on my attitude and ask how I can be happy as often as I am. Almost daily someone comments on my smile, sense of humor and ability to let things roll off my back. But, I am human. I do have my days when I feel sad, lost, lonely, irritated or grouchy. I have days where I lack the energy or desire to put on a smile, laugh at a joke or make the effort to be a good conversationalist.

Sunday evening was one of those times when I felt sad and lonely. It was short lived, but instead of showing some understanding and just being there, offering your ear or support or even a simple kind word, you seemed irritated that I wasn't in a good mood, laughing at you like I always do and being your "good time gal." You want me to cheer you up when you are grouchy, put up with you when you are cantankerous and just be there whenever you need me. If I don't answer a call or respond to a text right away, you take it personally, but get impatient with me if I react in the same manner. You expect me to be at your beckon call, but don't even think twice when you are unresponsive for days or weeks on end. You say that you want to be the one I call when things are good as well as when things are bad, that I should lean on you in those times. But in the same conversation, you tell me things are bad enough in your life right now without adding my issues. You even refrain from calling me when you think I may be in a bad mood. That is not being there for me, my friend.

Just to be clear - I'm happy to be there for you whenever you want or need me. I cherish every moment I get to spend with you or hear your voice on the other end of the line. I don't care what mood you are in, I want you to be real with me. But I don't think it's selfish to want the same in return. If you can't or choose not to be that person for me, then I respect that. I'm used to giving more than I take - in fact, most of my friendships are like that. But don't pretend to be different if you are not. I won't be your cure-all pill. But if you really want everything - prove it.

"I Will... But..."
~SheDaisy~

I won't be your dirty secret
I won't be your cure-all pill
And I won't run to fetch the water
Just to tumble down the hill

I won't be your Friday paycheck
I won't be the prize you flaunt
And I won't be your Martha Stewart, baby
Or your all-night restaurant

But I will, I will, I will be your everything
If you make me feel like a woman should
I will, I will, I will be the whole shebang
You know I will...but

I won't be your crutch to lean on
I won't wear stiletto heels
I won't walk a mile in your shoes
Just so I know how it feels

I won't be your obligation
I won't be your Barbie doll
I won't be the portrait of perfection
To adorn you wall

But I will, I will, I will be your everything
If you make me feel like a woman should
I will, I will, I will be the whole shebang
You know I will...but

Hey - you know, you know I will
All right

I won't be your lifetime girlfriend
I won't be just one of the guys
I won't be your mama's favorite
I refuse to be the last in line

But I will, I will, I will be your everything
If you make me feel like a woman should
I will, I will, I will be the whole shebang
You know I will...but

Yeah, I will, I will, I will be your everything
I will, I will be the whole shebang
I will, I will be your everything
I will, I will, I will, I will - yeah

The Unattainable

It always amuses me that men want what they can't have. The unattainable is so attractive to them, for some reason.

Today I realized I too, am guilty of desiring the impossible. What's with that?

"The eyes of man (and Sandra) are never satisfied..." Proverbs 27:20