Winds of Change

The winds of change are blowing...

Some days I feel it as a light breeze, softly brushing my skin, almost undetectable.

Other days, it's as if I'm in the midst of a tempest. It hits me with such force that it knocks me to the ground, rocks me to the very core of my being and drenches me to the bone. I am left shuddering, clinging for dear life to whatever immovable object I can find.

But then there are days when it comes in these invigorating gusts, energizing me, blowing away all the surface crap and leaving me feeling refreshed and excited.

Today is one of those days.

I have made a few decisions lately, one of which is to look for a new church. I love the people in the church I've been going to, but I just feel like it's not where I am supposed to be - at least for a season. It's a time for refreshment, encouragement and spiritual growth. I'm excited to see what this new chapter will bring.

Not Again!

Someone just broke into my car... AGAIN! This happened earlier this year in front of my apartment and it just happened again this morning in my office parking lot in broad daylight. They busted in my front passenger window and took my gym bag. I never leave anything in plain view in my car when I am parked at home or anywhere overnight. But I was going to hit the gym at lunch and in 2 1/2 years of working here, no one has ever had any problems in our parking lot. Guess there is a first time for everything. They also broke into April's car (I'm sorry, April!), but thankfully, they didn't take anything from her.

I'm frustrated, but not nearly as upset as I was the first time. It does kind of suck that I just bought new gym clothes recently and my running shoes are NOT cheap. I'll be out close to $400 when it's all said and done for new window, tinting, running shoes and gym clothes. But on the bright side, at least I took my iPod out of my gym bag the other day.

Ugh! I'm having a tough time keeping a good attitude... keep me in your prayers. Peace!

Sturgis

My Sturgis Trip:

We left late Friday night (8/3/07) after waiting for 2 hours after the already postponed time we set to accomodate our friends so that had the boys in quite the mood. The road construction for the first 10 miles on the freeway didn't help. Finally, we were on the road, Mike (Otis) was drunk and wasn't slowing down on the drinking, KariLynn didn't feel comfortable driving such a big truck hauling such a big trailer so Mike C. and I took turns at the wheel. We picked up Otis' sister on Saturday morning and rolled into Sturgis Saturday afternoon.



So, originally, it was just supposed to be Mike & KariLynn and me & Otis. Then about a week before we left, Otis tells me we are picking up his sister on the way, but that she had friends to ride with once we were there. Well, her riding partner couldn't make it and she didn't spend much time with her other friends so she was pretty much the 5th wheel the whole week. And talk about attitude. This woman is rough... very abrasive. She is the most selfish and unpleasant person I have met in a long time and she was really the biggest downer of my trip. At one point, it took every ounce of self-control and grace I had to stop me from punching her in the kisser! Thankfully though, KariLynn was there and I absolutely love, love, love hanging out with her. She was so much fun all week. It was nice to see her let loose a little without her kids around.



But, on the bright side, the place was amazing. I've never seen so many bikes in one place. The people were so... colorful, entertaining and fun-loving. They were just average people, out to have a good time and let loose for a week and I loved it! The rides were incredible! Breath-taking views, historic landmarks, winding roads, great little hole-in-the-wall dive bars filled with smiles, laughter and camaraderie amongst strangers. And then there were the concerts. So many - in our campsite, other camps and some of the local venues. It would have been impossible tosee all of them. We made it to Tanya Tucker, .38 Special, Fuel, Ted Nugent and Godsmack. We also could hear Smashmouth and Joan Jett from our campsite. We also caught a few tribute bands. My favorite concert was the Nuge! Course, that night it was just me, Mike C. and KariLynn and I'll just say, we were all feeling pretty darned good.



The weather was crazy! It was hot as heck during the day, but lots of thunderstorms and wind! Our tents all but blew away. One night we came back to find one tent blown on its side, mine was still staked to the ground, but the frame was collapsed and our awning was flipped up over the trailer - all the rods bent or broken. It was even double-staked AND tied down, but the wind still got it. That sucked!

Wednesday was our last full day there before splitting up to go our separate ways on Thursday. Otis and I both got tattoos. His was a banner under his Harley tat that said "'06 Sturgis '07".... And I'm sure you will all just be shocked to know what I got... it's on my foot... check it out. This was before he did some highlighting with white, but it's pretty darn close to the finished product...



Thursday morning was rough. Mike and KariLynn went to see Devil's Tower and were planning to meet up with the rest of us in a particular town for lunch before taking the truck and trailer so Otis and I could ride back. But, while I napped in the back seat of the truck, Otis and Michelle managed to get us lost. Way the heck out in BFE!!! And they were not happy about it... but then they found a horrible map and decided that we could take a short cut back to where we needed to be. Well, the short cut put us on a dirt road that brought us back to the place that I fell asleep.



We were late meeting up with M&K and since we didn't have cell coverage out in BFE, they were frustrated that they couldn't get ahold of us, thought we were ahead of them and rode like mad to catch up - all the while, we were about an hour behind them. It was pretty funny to me, but I am more laid back and these things don't generally get to me. Otis and Mike and Michelle were all livid though! They were all mad at each other, none of them accepting any blame for the longest time... oh boy... none of them were pleasant to be around. Finally, we met up with the M&K and realized the trailer, all of our luggage and the bikes were covered a thick layer of dust from the dirt road, which pissed everyone off even more so we had to stop by a car wash, unload everything spray out the trailer and bikes, dust off the luggage and re-pack. What a fiasco!!! I was so relieved when we all got on the road again, this time with Michelle, Mike & KariLynn in the truck and me and Otis on the bike.



The ride back to Spokane was incredible. Otis and I stayed with his parents in Absorokee, MT on Thursday night, then drove through Beartooth Pass to Cook City and through Yellowstone on Friday. The ride and the views were amazing. I loved it. Friday night we camped at a KOA in West Yellowstone. We froze our butts off and didn't get a lot of sleep on that hard, rocky ground. Saturday, we drove up through Montana, stopped in Virginia City and met an old cowboy named T. Ray Becker. He fell in love with me, told me stories and cited some of his poetry before selling us one of his CDs and buying us drinks with the proceeds. He told me I was a gypsy (before seeing my tattoo) and kindred spirit and if only he were 30 years younger... :) Great man, though. I loved that city. We then headed up to Butte and then took the scenic byway through Anaconda, Phillipsburg (where we stopped for lunch) and Drummond where we got back on I-90. After that, it was Missoula, Rock Creek and St. Regis, where we planned to camp for the night. However, after not getting much sleep the night before, we decided to bite the bullet and ride the rest of the way home so we could get a good sleep and hot showers. Then Sunday, we took off again and did Thompson Pass. That was a lot of riding, my friends. By butt hurt like nobody's business!

All in all, it was a great trip, but I can tell you this... next time, I ride alone. Yes, that means learning to ride and buying a bike - but it'll be worth it!!!



And that's all for now, folks. Thanks for reading. More pictures will be posted eventually.

Disconnect

A conversation today left me feeling confused about the state of my heart & emotions. The feelings I walked away from the conversation with, surprised me - that ache deep down in my heart... I don't know how to deal with it.

Life is not a dress rehearsal - I can't expect to get more than one chance at something.

Disconnected... looking forward to a day of rest. Happy 4th, everyone! Be safe!

Across the LupUS

"You will be fortunate in everything."

That was in my fortune cookie today. And you know what? It's true! I am so very fortunate. I know I complain from time to time, but I really am blessed!

So, yesterday on my lunch break, I was out walking, as I often do. A homeless man caught up to me and asked if he could walk with me for a while. And he did - for almost a mile! I walked as far as the mall downtown, but this gentleman didn't like malls so he was going to go his own way. He kept talking though, trying to get me to stay outside and talk a little longer. I noticed two guys standing nearby, locking up their bikes, watching us. After my walking companion left, these guys asked if I knew of a good place to get a bite to eat. We started talking and apparently, these two guys are on a cross-country bike ride. They started in Bellingham, Washington and will be riding their bicycles to South Carolina. Why? Well, they just graduated college and wanted to do something like this, but figured they might as well do it for a good cause. They are riding to raise awareness and money for Lupus research. We talked for about 15 minutes and gave me their card. I checked their website and couldn't get them out of my mind the rest of the day. So last night, I called them and they met up with me after their interview with KXLY (ABC) news. We went to dinner last night and sat there for 3 hours talking. Afterwards, I invited them over, let them lock up their bikes in my apartment, we grabbed my friend from Alaska who is in town crashing on my couch and went out to a sports bar a couple blocks away so we could see their stint on the 11:00 news. After the news and a couple beers, back to my apartment to visit for a little while longer. Then Tony and I loaded up their bikes in our cars and took them back to their camp site. I offered my floor or my bed and I would take the floor, but they had already set up camp and paid for it so they declined.

What these two men are doing is incredible. Their passion, courage and lust for adventure really got to me. Just talking to them made me feel alive again! It stirred up something deep within me that I'm not sure how to deal with. I am envious. I told them that and they invited me along for the ride. This whole trying to be responsible and get out of debt thing really sucks right now. This is their journey, not mine, but I am thankful that our paths crossed. I really do meet the most amazing people. You should have seen the look in Tony's eyes when I walked through my apartment door at 10:00pm followed by two men with bikes. My friends often think I'm a little crazy, but those who listen to my stories agree that I am destined to meet the people that I do. The are Divine Appointments!

Tonight, the duo will be staying in Coeur d'Alene, but I was able to get a couple extra tickets to the Various Sundry concert tonight so they will join me for that. When I asked if they were interested, they were so excited. I'm just thankful that I even have this little perk (free concert tix) so that they can have a little entertainment while they are here.

They are traveling light, camping most nights and allowing themselves the luxury of a cheap hotel only every few nights. If you know anyone along their route who can hook them up with a place to crash, that would be awesome. This is something they would never ask for, but having traveled across the country myself, I was fortunate to meet people who welcomed me into their homes and provided free shelter from time to time and I hope they can find a few generous people as well. Camping gets old and hotels get expensive...

Anyways, I'm excited to see my new friends again tonight. Just being around them inspires me and reminds me to get my eyes off myself and my self-proclaimed / imposed limitations. I'm excited for the day that I break through the chains that I allow to imprison me. I'm simply not meant for this normal life. But then again...

"There is no normal life. There's just life. You live it." ~ Doc Holliday - Tombstone

Rumors

There is not much I hate more than rumors!!! Lately, I have been the victim of a few unfounded rumors which cast a negative light on me and call into question my character, morals and integrity. It's frustrating. I'm 29 (as of today) and I feel like I'm in high school! I wish people would just come to me if they have a problem or a question or hear something, instead of spreading lies about me. By no means am I anywhere close to perfect - I fail miserably very often. I can do enough damage to myself and my reputation without anyone else's help, thank you very much!!!

Sometimes we only get one chance...

Wednesday, I was sent to run an errand at work and decided since I was already out, I would stop at a grocery store a couple blocks away to pick something up for lunch. I needed to get back to the office, so I was in a bit of a hurry when I got there. As I was walking into the store, I noticed there was a police officer standing next to his car, a couple walking away and another lady stopped and leaned against a pillar right outside the door. I remember thinking about how there are always poor and homeless people hanging out around that particular store... Right as I was about to go through the door, I heard the woman who was leaning against the pillar start crying. She was sobbing loudly. I hesitated for a moment, feeling sorry for her and wondering if I should go to her. I noticed that her pants were wet and she had clearly lost control of her bladder. And I kept walking.

The entire time I was in the store, I was thinking that there was nothing I could do for her and I was more worried about taking care of my own needs than anything else. Get in, get what I needed and get back to work as soon as possible. It kept nagging at me though and I reasoned with myself that if she was still there when I paid for my stuff, I'd talk to her and try to help her in whatever way I could. I made a mental note that I had a blanket in the back of my car that I could cover the seat with if I needed to give her a ride somewhere. There were only 2 checkout lines open and they were both moving at a snail's pace, increasing my irritability. As soon as I got out of there, I looked for her, but she was no longer leaning against the pillar. "Oh well, she must have figured something out," I thought as I rushed to my car to head back to work. But this feeling kept nagging at me as I was driving back to the office, so I turned around and drove back toward the store. I said a quick prayer, asking God to forgive me for my selfishness and promising that if I could find her, I'd help her. I drove around the store a couple times and down all the streets in about a 2 block radius of the store and she was no where to be found. By this time, I felt so incredibly convicted, but there was nothing I could do so as I drove back toward the office again, I sincerely repented for not obeying that still small voice that I heard when I first saw the lady; the voice that made me hesitate briefly and feel compassion for her. I promised God that next time I'd listen. So about 5 blocks from the office, I was stopped at a stop light and a lady on the street motioned for me to roll down my window. I did without hesitation. She had just missed her bus and needed a ride. I let her in the car and drove her to her destination just a couple blocks from my office. She was very grateful and normally that small act would make me feel pretty good too - that I had the opportunity to help someone and did. This time, I got no joy from it. For two days now, I have not been able to get the other lady out of my mind. Maybe she was homeless. Maybe she was drunk. Maybe she was mentally ill. I will never know. But I do know being at a place of desperation, that place where emotion takes over and it doesn't matter where you are, you can't stop the flood of tears and the sobbing and you have to stop and lean against something just to keep from falling on your face in utter despair; that place where your pride goes out the window. How many of us have been so broken, so overwhelmed, so desperate, so embarrassed, that we just break down like that - without regard to where we are or who sees us? Most of us are able to maintain our composure at least until we can have a few moments alone. This lady obviously couldn't. And I saw that, and I felt just a hint of her grief, but ultimately was too worried about my time schedule than another human being. I figured she'd probably still be around after I was done doing what I wanted to do. After all, if she was homeless, how far could she get? I assumed I'd at least see her walking down the street... I was wrong.

The thing that this taught me is that sometimes we are faced with an opportunity and so many times we get one chance to do the right thing. We only get one chance. We can't just hit a "rewind" button and choose to do it over a different way. We are presented with opportunities to make a difference in someone else's life. How often do I ignore those opportunities because of my selfishness and justify it by telling myself that someone else is better equipped to handle that situation than I am? All too often I am complacent, selfish, prideful or simply lack the confidence that I have anything to offer. But the thing is, I do have something to offer. I have love, I have time... but most importantly, I have God. I hope that I never forget that moment of selfish disobedience and how badly I have felt since then. Because next time I'm faced with an opportunity, I want to do the right thing. What if that had been me? What if it had been my mother or sister or friend? Whoever she was, she was a lost sheep, a child of God, created in His image and likeness. She was not a mistake. God has a plan for her life and knew her before she was even born. She is my equal, at the very least. I am reminded, yet again that whatever I have done unto "the least of these," I've done unto the Lord (or have not done, as the case may be). Matthew 25:34-46