I don't understand...
…why some men see an unattainable woman as a challenge
…why some men are so strongly attracted to that challenge
…why some men give up right away
…why some men accept whatever relational capacity a woman is willing to offer
…why some men walk away from a friendship because they can't have her in the capacity they want.
Why do men always want what they can't have? And why is it that when a man finally "attains" that woman, she is no longer enough? He spends so much time, energy, money, emotions; says and does all the right things to get the woman he wants, but then when he finally breaks down her walls, gets through her defenses and gets her to that place of vulnerability and a level of reliance, he gives her up for the next challenge. He is no longer willing to put up with the little annoyances or imperfections and leaves in search of something different, something that, for a while, seems better.
Is that all we are to men – a challenge? A conquest?
And they wonder why we question their sincerity, why they have to work so hard to gain our trust and respect, why one man has to pay for another man's actions. They wonder why our walls are so high, our defenses impenetrable.
They say not to generalize or lump all men together, but you show me one man who is genuine, sincere and content with what he has and I'll show you at least 20 who are not.
"The eyes of man are never satisfied…" Proverbs 27:20
Your words are hollow, meaningless. Whether you are a friend, pastor, co-worker, relative, acquaintance or an interest, I listen and observe – and your actions and character speak louder than the words you speak.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Sunday, January 7, 2007
Frusterated
Someone broke into my car last night - busted out the front, passenger window, cleaned out my glove box and center console. My insurance will not be paying for the window to be replaced since I don't have comprehensive coverage, but even if I did, my deductible would have been higher than the cost of the new window. So, that is almost $200 out of pocket!
Missing - car registrations, insurance info, misc. receipts (oil changes, tires, other car related), an old book of checks (duplicates only - no real checks), random mail, other miscellaneous junk I kept in there, my new travel coffee mug, a box of presents that I was going to take to the post office today to mail to my mom and siblings - along with a check.
What they left - an expensive tripod for my camera, all my CDs, my Bible (go figure!), a fleece blanket and everything in my trunk.
Now WHAT would they want with all my papers with all my information? I know they have my name, address, previous address, bank account number and God only knows what else.
I've never really worried about someone stealing STUFF from me. Stuff can be replaced and if they are going to steal from me, they must need it more than I do. I'm not worried about anything they took. What I am worried about is the potential for identity theft.
Please keep me in your prayers. And let's hope they catch whoever did it. Mine wasn't the first car to be hit in my neighborhood and I doubt it'll be the last.
Missing - car registrations, insurance info, misc. receipts (oil changes, tires, other car related), an old book of checks (duplicates only - no real checks), random mail, other miscellaneous junk I kept in there, my new travel coffee mug, a box of presents that I was going to take to the post office today to mail to my mom and siblings - along with a check.
What they left - an expensive tripod for my camera, all my CDs, my Bible (go figure!), a fleece blanket and everything in my trunk.
Now WHAT would they want with all my papers with all my information? I know they have my name, address, previous address, bank account number and God only knows what else.
I've never really worried about someone stealing STUFF from me. Stuff can be replaced and if they are going to steal from me, they must need it more than I do. I'm not worried about anything they took. What I am worried about is the potential for identity theft.
Please keep me in your prayers. And let's hope they catch whoever did it. Mine wasn't the first car to be hit in my neighborhood and I doubt it'll be the last.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
Just a simple sinner
Okay - so I was talking to a friend tonight about God's grace and I told him I'd post this here. I have posted it a couple times on another blog I have and some of you may have seen it on Steph's blog as well...
I posted this a while back, but I was reminded of it again so I figured I'd re-post. I get a lot of undeserved praise for the life that I live, but what everyone fails to realize is that they only see what I want them to see. They don't see my faults, my failures, my sins. They don't see me when I fall. I don't advertise my shortcomings, I just try to pick myself up again, dust off, bandage the wounds and keep walking, hoping no one was around to witness the fall. So many times, I stray from the straight and narrow path and get lost in the darkness and find that I'm living more for myself than for the God that I love. For those who do see some of my failures, I apologize for not being a better example and a stronger person. Forgive me for the times I have caused you to stumble or fall. And thank you for loving me in spite of my inadequacies.
When I say "I am a Christian," I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost, now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say "I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need CHRIST to be my guide.
When I say "I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need HIS strength to carry on.
When I say "I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say "I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say "I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches so I call upon His name.
When I say "I am a Christian" I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow.
~Maya Angelou~
I posted this a while back, but I was reminded of it again so I figured I'd re-post. I get a lot of undeserved praise for the life that I live, but what everyone fails to realize is that they only see what I want them to see. They don't see my faults, my failures, my sins. They don't see me when I fall. I don't advertise my shortcomings, I just try to pick myself up again, dust off, bandage the wounds and keep walking, hoping no one was around to witness the fall. So many times, I stray from the straight and narrow path and get lost in the darkness and find that I'm living more for myself than for the God that I love. For those who do see some of my failures, I apologize for not being a better example and a stronger person. Forgive me for the times I have caused you to stumble or fall. And thank you for loving me in spite of my inadequacies.
When I say "I am a Christian," I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin'."
I'm whispering "I was lost, now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say "I am a Christian" I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need CHRIST to be my guide.
When I say "I am a Christian" I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need HIS strength to carry on.
When I say "I am a Christian" I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say "I am a Christian" I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.
When I say "I am a Christian" I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches so I call upon His name.
When I say "I am a Christian" I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow.
~Maya Angelou~
Friday, November 3, 2006
Just sit with me and be my friend
Why is it that people are so uncomfortable with emotion? Everyone hurts. Everyone cries. Everyone experiences sadness. But the moment someone else is on the verge of tears, people start getting uncomfortable.
You've got those who just ignore it and hope it'll go away. Then there are those who try to "Dr. Phil" you, give you advice on what is really wrong and how to fix it. There are people who just make light of things and think that if they can get you to laugh then they've somehow magically made it all better. There are so many different responses and I'm sure most people have good intentions - they don't want to see someone they care about hurting. But why can't people just recognize that sadness is a part of life and some wounds take a lot longer to heal than others. Offer support and love and time. If they take it, great, if not, let it be. Some emotions simply can not be articulated or explained.
So, don't make me try to explain. Don't psycho-analyze me. Don't give me advice, tell me to get over it or CHOOSE to be happy. I recognize that I have the power to choose happiness, but sometimes emotions need to be explored. I need to be allowed to feel what I feel. I promise I wont stay in this dark place, but while I'm here, just sit with me and be my friend.
May we all learn to put aside judgement, get over our own discomfort with emotion and recognize that some things can not be fixed except by time, prayer and love.
You've got those who just ignore it and hope it'll go away. Then there are those who try to "Dr. Phil" you, give you advice on what is really wrong and how to fix it. There are people who just make light of things and think that if they can get you to laugh then they've somehow magically made it all better. There are so many different responses and I'm sure most people have good intentions - they don't want to see someone they care about hurting. But why can't people just recognize that sadness is a part of life and some wounds take a lot longer to heal than others. Offer support and love and time. If they take it, great, if not, let it be. Some emotions simply can not be articulated or explained.
So, don't make me try to explain. Don't psycho-analyze me. Don't give me advice, tell me to get over it or CHOOSE to be happy. I recognize that I have the power to choose happiness, but sometimes emotions need to be explored. I need to be allowed to feel what I feel. I promise I wont stay in this dark place, but while I'm here, just sit with me and be my friend.
May we all learn to put aside judgement, get over our own discomfort with emotion and recognize that some things can not be fixed except by time, prayer and love.
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
Compassion
I wrote both parts of this entry at different times this morning... just now posting here.
Part 1:
Lessons
So the other day as I was walking out to my car to feed the meter, I noticed a man walking by on the sidewalk. It was apparent that he was homeless and looked as if he hadn't bathed in a month. His clothes were tattered and stained, his hair stringy and he walked slightly hunched over, head down. He glanced up when he saw me walking across the street and looked back down, then did a double take. He made eye contact, we both said "hi" and then he smiled. He told me I was beautiful, saw me smile and walked on. When he looked me in the eye, I noticed he was much younger than I originally thought - probably in his late twenties or early thirties. He had a tattoo down one side of his face, but he looked as if he probably used to be an attractive man. In his eyes - sadness.
This very brief encounter reminded me of something I recently read. A girl was ranting about some homeless man in her area who compliments/hits on her. She was disgusted that some toothless, smelly old man would even bother since she is clearly so far above him. Okay, so that's not exactly what she said, but it was certainly the tone of the blog. It grieved me. These men, homeless or not, are still human. They still recognize beauty when they see it. Why are some people actually offended to receive a compliment from someone on a "lower" level than them? A compliment is a compliment. A man is a man. I imagined this man as a young boy, playing with his classmates on the playground at recess. I imagined his mother holding him and wiping tears from his eyes. I imagined him playing little league baseball, being shy around his first crush, falling from a tree and scraping his knee, frolicking in the yard with his puppy. I imagined so many things that every young boy experiences. And then I wonder how he got to where he is today. Whatever the reason, be it an addiction or simply a string of poor choices, he is still a man, still human and still deserving of common human decency. He doesn't need to be judged (I'm sure he judges himself harshly enough), he doesn't need to be looked on with contempt or disgust, he doesn't need to be overlooked. What does it hurt us to actually meet their gaze, look them in the eye, smile at them and greet them with a "hello"?
I regret not doing more, talking to him longer or offering him something to eat, drink or just simply some of my time. I don't have much, but I am so blessed, so fortunate in my life and I could have passed just a little bit of that on to him. I certainly could have spared some time. Afterall, I was feeling very unattractive that day. I had spent the morning doing laundry, cleaning house. I hadn't showered yet or put on make-up. I was wearing grubby clothes and felt frumpy. I needed his compliment that day and I'm grateful that he wasn't too proud or too ashamed or too busy to tell me that he thought I was beautiful.
Part 2:
Confirmation
Interesting thing... Right after I wrote my entry this morning, I read something in the "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff..." book I keep in the bathroom.
Develop Your Compassion
Nothing helps us build our perspective more than developing compassion for others. Compassion is a sympathetic feeling. It involves the willingness to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to take the focus off yourself and to imagine what it's like to be in someone else's predicament, and simultaneously, to feel love for that person. It's the recognition that other people's problems, their pain and frustrations, are every bit as real as our own - often far worse. In recognizing this fact and trying to offer some assistance, we open our own hearts and greatly enhance our sense of gratitude.
Compassion is something you can develop with practice. It involves two things: intention and action. Intention simply means you remember to open your heart to others; you expand what and who matters, from yourself to other people. Action is simply the "what you do about it." You might donate a little money or time (or both) on a regular basis to a cause near your heart. Or perhaps you'll offer a beautiful smile and genuine "hello" to the people you meet on the street. It's not so important what you do, just that you do something. As Mother Teresa reminds us, "We cannot do great things on this earth. We can only do small things with great love."
Compassion develops your sense of gratitude by taking your attention off all the little things that most of us have learned to take too seriously. When you take time, often, to reflect on the miracle of life - the miracle that you are even able to read this book - the gift of sight, of love and all the rest, it can help to remind you that many of the things that you thing of as "big stuff" are really just "small stuff" that you are turning into big stuff.
Part 1:
Lessons
So the other day as I was walking out to my car to feed the meter, I noticed a man walking by on the sidewalk. It was apparent that he was homeless and looked as if he hadn't bathed in a month. His clothes were tattered and stained, his hair stringy and he walked slightly hunched over, head down. He glanced up when he saw me walking across the street and looked back down, then did a double take. He made eye contact, we both said "hi" and then he smiled. He told me I was beautiful, saw me smile and walked on. When he looked me in the eye, I noticed he was much younger than I originally thought - probably in his late twenties or early thirties. He had a tattoo down one side of his face, but he looked as if he probably used to be an attractive man. In his eyes - sadness.
This very brief encounter reminded me of something I recently read. A girl was ranting about some homeless man in her area who compliments/hits on her. She was disgusted that some toothless, smelly old man would even bother since she is clearly so far above him. Okay, so that's not exactly what she said, but it was certainly the tone of the blog. It grieved me. These men, homeless or not, are still human. They still recognize beauty when they see it. Why are some people actually offended to receive a compliment from someone on a "lower" level than them? A compliment is a compliment. A man is a man. I imagined this man as a young boy, playing with his classmates on the playground at recess. I imagined his mother holding him and wiping tears from his eyes. I imagined him playing little league baseball, being shy around his first crush, falling from a tree and scraping his knee, frolicking in the yard with his puppy. I imagined so many things that every young boy experiences. And then I wonder how he got to where he is today. Whatever the reason, be it an addiction or simply a string of poor choices, he is still a man, still human and still deserving of common human decency. He doesn't need to be judged (I'm sure he judges himself harshly enough), he doesn't need to be looked on with contempt or disgust, he doesn't need to be overlooked. What does it hurt us to actually meet their gaze, look them in the eye, smile at them and greet them with a "hello"?
I regret not doing more, talking to him longer or offering him something to eat, drink or just simply some of my time. I don't have much, but I am so blessed, so fortunate in my life and I could have passed just a little bit of that on to him. I certainly could have spared some time. Afterall, I was feeling very unattractive that day. I had spent the morning doing laundry, cleaning house. I hadn't showered yet or put on make-up. I was wearing grubby clothes and felt frumpy. I needed his compliment that day and I'm grateful that he wasn't too proud or too ashamed or too busy to tell me that he thought I was beautiful.
Part 2:
Confirmation
Interesting thing... Right after I wrote my entry this morning, I read something in the "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff..." book I keep in the bathroom.
Develop Your Compassion
Nothing helps us build our perspective more than developing compassion for others. Compassion is a sympathetic feeling. It involves the willingness to put yourself in someone else's shoes, to take the focus off yourself and to imagine what it's like to be in someone else's predicament, and simultaneously, to feel love for that person. It's the recognition that other people's problems, their pain and frustrations, are every bit as real as our own - often far worse. In recognizing this fact and trying to offer some assistance, we open our own hearts and greatly enhance our sense of gratitude.
Compassion is something you can develop with practice. It involves two things: intention and action. Intention simply means you remember to open your heart to others; you expand what and who matters, from yourself to other people. Action is simply the "what you do about it." You might donate a little money or time (or both) on a regular basis to a cause near your heart. Or perhaps you'll offer a beautiful smile and genuine "hello" to the people you meet on the street. It's not so important what you do, just that you do something. As Mother Teresa reminds us, "We cannot do great things on this earth. We can only do small things with great love."
Compassion develops your sense of gratitude by taking your attention off all the little things that most of us have learned to take too seriously. When you take time, often, to reflect on the miracle of life - the miracle that you are even able to read this book - the gift of sight, of love and all the rest, it can help to remind you that many of the things that you thing of as "big stuff" are really just "small stuff" that you are turning into big stuff.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Why is it so difficult to learn?
"When people show you who they are, believe them!"
This is a quote that a friend of mine repeats to me pretty often - apparently I have a hard time learning that lesson. Today, I actually had the opportunity to pass on that wisdom... Hopefully we will both truly learn to do that.
I mean, how many chances am I going to give someone to prove to me that they are different than what they are showing me?
This is a quote that a friend of mine repeats to me pretty often - apparently I have a hard time learning that lesson. Today, I actually had the opportunity to pass on that wisdom... Hopefully we will both truly learn to do that.
I mean, how many chances am I going to give someone to prove to me that they are different than what they are showing me?
Tuesday, August 1, 2006
Insomnia
I just got back last night from my trip to Seattle to see my brother, Jacqelli and her grandma and my lovely niece Kiara. I met them in Seattle and we spent Friday night there. Saturday morning, we got a late start, but decided to drive down to Seaside and Cannon Beach, Oregon. One of my favorite places in the country. My little brother had never been there and Jacqelli and I both felt like we needed a visit to the beach. It was good to feel the sand between my toes, the cold water lapping at my ankles and the wind in my face... Tranquil. Healing. I felt like I could actually breathe. I don't feel like that here. Not usually anyway.
We spent Saturday afternoon and evening on the beach, went out to dinner and decided to stay the night in Seaside and drive back to Seattle on Sunday. Sunday morning, as we were walking into the Pig N Pancake for breakfast, I ran into a friend of mine from Coeur d'Alene. Its a small world! Or at least a small corner of the US here in the Northwest. We were talking about how much we both need some girl time so were planning a trip to Boise probably mid-August. Anyways, after breakfast and another walk on the beach and through town, we hit the road, but stopped to pick blackberries for a while. That stop and the traffic as we got closer to Seattle set me back a few hours. After we got to their hotel, I jumped in the car and drove another 4 ½ hours to Spokane.
On Saturday night, at Cannon Beach, there was a bride in a lovely gown and her new husband. They were doing the wedding pictures on the beach and while the photographer was rounding up family members for a shot, the groom wrapped his arm around his new bride, dipped her back as they shared the most incredibly passionate kiss. I'm usually not a big fan of weddings, but that moment deeply affected me. Maybe it was the memories of my own wedding on a beach in Mexico I dont know. It made me miss being a wife and loving someone so completely. It made me miss being wrapped up in strong arms and...
This weekend, there were moments like that one that made me feel lonely and sad and miss married life. But then, there were also moments that made me thankful for my freedom and independence. Thankful for the walls I've put up I have a couple of suitors, if you will, and I have been pushing them away lately. It's not easy, but I know its for the best in the long run. I don't expect others to understand that. In fact, a lot of people dont understand how I can possibly be happy until I have a man in my life. I believe that wholeness comes from a deep and personal relationship with Christ. And that is what I have to keep my focus on. Everything else will fall into place when it's supposed to. Im confident of that. Until then, I'll just keep on keepin' on and enjoying this freedom that I so cherish.
I wrote a long post, but lost it. Hopefully I got enough out that I'll be able to sleep though. Insomnia sucks!
And I'll leave you with a picture I took this weekend. Enjoy.
We spent Saturday afternoon and evening on the beach, went out to dinner and decided to stay the night in Seaside and drive back to Seattle on Sunday. Sunday morning, as we were walking into the Pig N Pancake for breakfast, I ran into a friend of mine from Coeur d'Alene. Its a small world! Or at least a small corner of the US here in the Northwest. We were talking about how much we both need some girl time so were planning a trip to Boise probably mid-August. Anyways, after breakfast and another walk on the beach and through town, we hit the road, but stopped to pick blackberries for a while. That stop and the traffic as we got closer to Seattle set me back a few hours. After we got to their hotel, I jumped in the car and drove another 4 ½ hours to Spokane.
On Saturday night, at Cannon Beach, there was a bride in a lovely gown and her new husband. They were doing the wedding pictures on the beach and while the photographer was rounding up family members for a shot, the groom wrapped his arm around his new bride, dipped her back as they shared the most incredibly passionate kiss. I'm usually not a big fan of weddings, but that moment deeply affected me. Maybe it was the memories of my own wedding on a beach in Mexico I dont know. It made me miss being a wife and loving someone so completely. It made me miss being wrapped up in strong arms and...
This weekend, there were moments like that one that made me feel lonely and sad and miss married life. But then, there were also moments that made me thankful for my freedom and independence. Thankful for the walls I've put up I have a couple of suitors, if you will, and I have been pushing them away lately. It's not easy, but I know its for the best in the long run. I don't expect others to understand that. In fact, a lot of people dont understand how I can possibly be happy until I have a man in my life. I believe that wholeness comes from a deep and personal relationship with Christ. And that is what I have to keep my focus on. Everything else will fall into place when it's supposed to. Im confident of that. Until then, I'll just keep on keepin' on and enjoying this freedom that I so cherish.
I wrote a long post, but lost it. Hopefully I got enough out that I'll be able to sleep though. Insomnia sucks!
And I'll leave you with a picture I took this weekend. Enjoy.
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