Compassion

I know this is terrible, but I'm having a hard time being compassionate today. Some days I just want to scream. I want to tell people to stop coming to me with their problems because I can't do a damn thing about them. Some days I want to tell people to put on their big girl panties and deal with it. Some days I want to tell people that life just plain effing sucks! Get used to it! Toughen up! It ain't gonna get any easier! People lie to you, they leave you, they betray you, they cheat, they hurt you, they die. It sucks. It hurts. But they can't take it back even if they wanted to and you can't undo it. You deal with it and you move forward with your life.

It's not that I don't genuinely feel bad for people. I do. Its just that I hurt when others hurt... and when you pile that on to the hurt that I deal with in my own life, some days its simply unbearable. Even as I write this I'm having a major guilt attack. I know some things you just don't "get over." As most of you know, I spent YEARS mourning the loss of my husband and the life that I hoped for and planned on. But sometimes those moments of impatience from friends made me realize I couldn't keep carrying on about this stuff forever. It was time to stand on my own and start focusing on the road ahead instead of the rear view mirror.

I am thankful that people find me trustworthy and that they value my opinion... Honestly, I am. Maybe I'm just jealous that I don't feel like I have anyone at the moment that I can go to with my issues... so I suppress them and look where it gets me. All angry and irritable and cynical...

Today, I am not a reflection of love. I am not patient or kind. I feel jealous, want to be rude and am proud.... and on and on.

** Lord, fill me with your love, once again.**

Here's hoping for a better day tomorrow.