Growth

I have a friend, Chuck, who runs the karaoke at an old dive bar in Post Falls that I used to frequent. He took a break from it for a couple years and recently started back up. After several invitations to come out and visit, I finally did. As soon as I stepped through the front door, I saw two ladies sitting at the bar who I swear were in those exact seats the last time I walked out of that place talking to the same bartender. Not much had changed. Immediately, all these memories came rushing back. I used to refer to that place as my "Cheers" bar. I knew all the regulars and all the latest gossip. I was well liked, rarely had to pay for drinks and spent more time turning down invitations to dance than anything else. It was my comfort zone.

My, how things have changed! I spent a little over an hour nursing the same beer, sitting by an old guy I used to know. Every time I see him, he talks about the Philippines because he knows I lived there for a short time as a child and he was stationed there for a few years. And every time I see him, he reminds me that we share a birthday, although he was born 36 years before me. It was good to see him and Chuck, but I felt out of place, uncomfortable and flooded with memories of a lifetime ago.

Yes, it has only been a few short years in reality, but the girl that I was back then - lost, alone, hurting, desperate for a sense of of worth - I barely remember her. Chuck commented several times on how uncomfortable I seemed to be. All I could think of was how lucky I am to have gotten out. I could have easily turned into one of those girls at the bar, sitting on the same stool night after night, month after month, year after year.

I was rescued though... and although I missed that lifestyle, that place, those people for a long time, I have no desire to go back. I don't see anything wrong with enjoying a few drinks or going out and having a good time on ocassion. That isn't what I'm talking about. I still drink when I feel like it, but I'm at a different place now. I don't need to be out all the time, socializing, running away from my pain and loneliness. I don't need to drink to feel happy or at least numb. I am so thankful that God, through other people and circumstances, lifted me out of that pit I was in. I don't ever want to go back to the person I was.

God truly has blessed this broken road...