Procrastination

I'm procrastinating. I brought home the "test performance review" I'm supposed to be working on for the gal I supervise. I haven't had to give a PR in over 5 years, but I can tell already that I don't like writing them any more now than I did before. :)

So, instead of doing what I'm supposed to do, I'm playing on facebook, getting caught up on reading my friend's blog entries and watching a re-run of the Academy of Country Music Awards. I'm house sitting so I actually have internet access and cable. I'm not sure how I can be expected to do anything productive when I've been going through tv/internet withdrawals.

So, how am I? I'm being tormented by my demons... telling me that no man is trustworthy, that I am inadequate, that I will never be enough (pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough, desirable enough.... just ENOUGH). Yesterday was the anniversary of my first date with Ken. Some days I can't believe we have been together this long. I can't believe I have stayed this long. It's so much easier to walk away than to forgive and be open and vulnerable. I can't believe he's stuck by my side in spite of all my walls and doubt. He's been in Moses Lake for a week now... and I'm just taking it one day at a time. It's the only way I keep any shred of sanity.

I know I'm blessed and I try to focus on the positive in my daily life... So, in the words of Louisa May Alcott, "I will make a battering-ram of my head and make my way through this rough and tumble world."