I am thankful for family - biological as well as those friends who have become my extended family.
I am thankful that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me, forgives me and daily shows me his grace & mercy.
I am thankful for solitude to decompress, de-stress and relax.
I am thankful for this journey and ALL that it entails - good times and bad, sickness and health, joy and sorrow, beauty and pain.
I am thankful for a full life - rich in experiences, full of love...
I am thankful for THIS moment.
I am thankful for YOU - and for this safe place where I don't have to "weigh thoughts or measure words." I can just let them flow, without fear of judgment or broken trust.
I am off in search of pie - or a hot seasonal drink...
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Monday, November 24, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Laundry Day & A Welcome Distraction
Laundry day. Laundry facilities are in the basement. Storage unit is also in the basement. Needed to organize storage unit to make room for more boxes, my window AC unit and other stuff I wont need this winter. Storage unit = boxes I should not be going through = memories I should not be stirring up = the uncontrolable urge to get as far away from this apartment and those boxes as possible.
I grabbed my laundry and came upstairs to my apartment and lo and behold - an invitation via instant message... from my crush... to come over for Survivor & CSI (tv night). As soon as I hang my laundry, I'm grabbing a bottle of wine and heading over. This will be a pleasant distraction from some painful memories... (what was I thinking opening that damned box?! It's clearly marked...)
I did find a quote from a movie (can't remember which one at the moment) that I had written down on a little yellow piece of paper about 9 or 10 years ago... It was very meaningful to me at the time - and it struck a chord again today.
"True love can not be found where it does not truly exist. Nor can it be hidden where it truly does."
Peace! I'm outta here.
I grabbed my laundry and came upstairs to my apartment and lo and behold - an invitation via instant message... from my crush... to come over for Survivor & CSI (tv night). As soon as I hang my laundry, I'm grabbing a bottle of wine and heading over. This will be a pleasant distraction from some painful memories... (what was I thinking opening that damned box?! It's clearly marked...)
I did find a quote from a movie (can't remember which one at the moment) that I had written down on a little yellow piece of paper about 9 or 10 years ago... It was very meaningful to me at the time - and it struck a chord again today.
"True love can not be found where it does not truly exist. Nor can it be hidden where it truly does."
Peace! I'm outta here.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Crush
So yeah... my totally ridiculous school-girl crush and I talked for almost 5 hours on messenger this evening. Whoa! And it was deep, serious conversation...
So - needless to say, I accomplished absolutely NOTHING I was supposed to do tonight. Another day of no clean laundry & a mess house. Crap - I have to at least clean up a bit since the property management is coming in tomorrow to test the smoke detectors.
Another late night... but oh so worth it. I needed it - today was not a great day at work. Very - VERY stressful.
So - needless to say, I accomplished absolutely NOTHING I was supposed to do tonight. Another day of no clean laundry & a mess house. Crap - I have to at least clean up a bit since the property management is coming in tomorrow to test the smoke detectors.
Another late night... but oh so worth it. I needed it - today was not a great day at work. Very - VERY stressful.
Monday, November 17, 2008
Crushing
I have a totally ridiculous school-girl crush. Yep. That's right folks. A harmless, silly, immature crush.
Not to worry - I'll never tell him. He is, after all, one of my buddies. We play poker and cribbage together, drink together and text message each other all day long to alleviate some of the boredom and make the days go by a little faster.
It's kinda fun because I simply don't care how he feels in return. I don't need him to like me. I don't feel pressured to feel strongly for him. I can just enjoy his company and the lightly flirtatious banter and keep it uncomplicated. I really like uncomplicated.
Not to worry - I'll never tell him. He is, after all, one of my buddies. We play poker and cribbage together, drink together and text message each other all day long to alleviate some of the boredom and make the days go by a little faster.
It's kinda fun because I simply don't care how he feels in return. I don't need him to like me. I don't feel pressured to feel strongly for him. I can just enjoy his company and the lightly flirtatious banter and keep it uncomplicated. I really like uncomplicated.
Outsider
Seeing a picture of my baby nephew with his humongous cheeks and beautiful, heart-warming toothless smile.
A beautiful toddler reaching out her arms to me, wanting to be held after taking a fall. And her huge grin when I swung her around.
A little girl, walking down the street in her plaid skirt & beanie - long curly hair bouncing with each step - holding tightly to her daddy's hand.
A young girl with a punk-rock-ish style dancing to the music on her ipod as she walked along - seemingly oblivious to the rest of the world.
Waving at a passing firetruck and all four young men inside craning their necks and waving back with big smiles.
A group of guys standing outside a sports bar, laughing - taking a break from watching football to have a smoke.
A middle-aged couple dropping another couple off at their car - warm, friendly embraces all around before parting ways.
A woman opening up to me, a stranger, about the stress and weariness from being her mother's caretaker - who clearly was so desperate & grateful to have someone listen to her.
An elderly lady in the passenger seat of a car - holding her little sweater-clad puppy.
The toothless smile of an old, homeless man with the greatest smile lines around his kind eyes.
These are things that made me smile today. I wish I had my camera to capture each of these moments. I wish I could have stopped and talked to each and every one of these people in depth. I wondered about their lives, their families and even what their day would hold. Were they happy? Were they strong? Do they know how much they are loved? Why were they where they were in that moment?
Life is so beautiful - at every stage - from the toothless smile of an innocent baby who has yet to experience heartbreak, love, joy, sorrow, failure, success, shame, pride, loss or gain to the weathered smile of one with a lifetime of these experiences. Sometimes life is so unspeakably painful and it's hard to see any beauty through the smoke and ashes. Sometimes life is chaotic - there seems to be no rhyme or reason, no consistency or continuity, no symmetry or sense. Sometimes life is simply a mess. But from the right vantage point, with the right perspective, it all comes together and makes sense and is truly, breathtakingly beautiful.
A beautiful toddler reaching out her arms to me, wanting to be held after taking a fall. And her huge grin when I swung her around.
A little girl, walking down the street in her plaid skirt & beanie - long curly hair bouncing with each step - holding tightly to her daddy's hand.
A young girl with a punk-rock-ish style dancing to the music on her ipod as she walked along - seemingly oblivious to the rest of the world.
Waving at a passing firetruck and all four young men inside craning their necks and waving back with big smiles.
A group of guys standing outside a sports bar, laughing - taking a break from watching football to have a smoke.
A middle-aged couple dropping another couple off at their car - warm, friendly embraces all around before parting ways.
A woman opening up to me, a stranger, about the stress and weariness from being her mother's caretaker - who clearly was so desperate & grateful to have someone listen to her.
An elderly lady in the passenger seat of a car - holding her little sweater-clad puppy.
The toothless smile of an old, homeless man with the greatest smile lines around his kind eyes.
These are things that made me smile today. I wish I had my camera to capture each of these moments. I wish I could have stopped and talked to each and every one of these people in depth. I wondered about their lives, their families and even what their day would hold. Were they happy? Were they strong? Do they know how much they are loved? Why were they where they were in that moment?
Life is so beautiful - at every stage - from the toothless smile of an innocent baby who has yet to experience heartbreak, love, joy, sorrow, failure, success, shame, pride, loss or gain to the weathered smile of one with a lifetime of these experiences. Sometimes life is so unspeakably painful and it's hard to see any beauty through the smoke and ashes. Sometimes life is chaotic - there seems to be no rhyme or reason, no consistency or continuity, no symmetry or sense. Sometimes life is simply a mess. But from the right vantage point, with the right perspective, it all comes together and makes sense and is truly, breathtakingly beautiful.
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Out of the mouths of babes...
Rough week at work - lots of stress, layoffs, uncertainty and more stress. It's been one of the toughest weeks I've seen since I started this job almost 4 years ago.
I came home to write, unwind, declutter my mind & untangle my emotions. I was feeling pretty low and felt like crying... or drinking heavily... or medicating in some other unhealthy way.
Then Amanda calls to see what I'm doing. Her 2 1/2 year old daughter, Sophia, says something in the background.
Amanda: Honey, just a minute, I'm talking to Sandra - she had a bad day.
Sophia: I talk to Sanna
Amanda: Okay - here ya go.
Sophia: Hi! Sanna?
Me: Hey Sophia! How are you?
Sophia: I love you Sanna!
Me: (choking back tears) Awww... I love you too Sophia!
Sophia: I in choo-choo train... Pancakes.
Me: You are?? Are you at Frank's Diner?
Sophia: Yes. Fwanks. Choo-choo train. Um... Sanna?
Me: Yes honey?
Sophia: I love you!
Me: Thank you. I love you too.
How sweet is that? Seriously - Obviously God knew I needed a little pick me up and exactly who to send. I love that SGB!!! She lights up my life more than she'll ever know.
I came home to write, unwind, declutter my mind & untangle my emotions. I was feeling pretty low and felt like crying... or drinking heavily... or medicating in some other unhealthy way.
Then Amanda calls to see what I'm doing. Her 2 1/2 year old daughter, Sophia, says something in the background.
Amanda: Honey, just a minute, I'm talking to Sandra - she had a bad day.
Sophia: I talk to Sanna
Amanda: Okay - here ya go.
Sophia: Hi! Sanna?
Me: Hey Sophia! How are you?
Sophia: I love you Sanna!
Me: (choking back tears) Awww... I love you too Sophia!
Sophia: I in choo-choo train... Pancakes.
Me: You are?? Are you at Frank's Diner?
Sophia: Yes. Fwanks. Choo-choo train. Um... Sanna?
Me: Yes honey?
Sophia: I love you!
Me: Thank you. I love you too.
How sweet is that? Seriously - Obviously God knew I needed a little pick me up and exactly who to send. I love that SGB!!! She lights up my life more than she'll ever know.
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