Two Words

Two small but very significant words... The addition of one and the elimination of the other from my vocabulary over the last year has impacted my thoughts, feelings and attitude for the worse.

Word 1: Can't

The more I use this word, the more I believe it. "I can't seem to get ahead." "I can't do anything right." "I can't get out of debt." "I can't find a decent man." "I can't find a better job." "I can't do this." "I can't afford that." "I can't have the life I desire." "I can't win." "I can't..." "I can't..." "I can't..."

Incorporating this word into my daily vocabulary and thought process has robbed me of my joy and hope, destroyed my confidence and left me feeling consumed by despair, discouraged, incomplete, depressed, lost, cynical, undesirable and worthless.

Word 2: Yet

A word indicating persistence and hope while still allowing one to be realistic and honest about a current situation. "I don't have the life I want YET." "I am not out of debt YET." "I haven't found my dream job YET." "I am not YET able to afford that." "I'm not whole YET."

During a blunt and brutally honest conversation with a dear friend a few months ago, I poured my heart out to her about how hopeless and worthless my life felt. After listening to a tirade of all that I can't do and don't have and am unable to offer, she simply whispered the word "yet." She reminded me that although all those things may be true in this moment, it doesn't mean this is the way it will always be. There is hope - but I must be persistent. She also reminded me of the power of my words. The tongue holds the power of life and death.

When I start noticing despair creeping back into my life and my attitude plummeting, I have to listen to what I'm saying (or not saying, as the case may be). I've never been a very negative person, but lately I've had to stop myself, check my vocabulary and make a conscious effort to choose words of hope.

It's been a rough year - the darkest I've seen. There have been moments I've felt myself sinking into an abyss so dark I lost all perception of even which way was up. They say the darkest hour is just before dawn and though this night is not yet over, I'm looking forward to the morning, knowing the sun WILL rise again, the shadows WILL be illuminated and I WILL feel the warmth of the sun on my face once again.