Four years ago, my sister saved my life. I was at the end of my rope and wanted out. I had spent hours begging God to take me home, but I knew he wouldn't. I wanted to end my life and I think I would have had my sister not called me at just the right moment and talked me back from the edge, so to speak. I'm so grateful for her wisdom, encouragement and discernment.
Thank you, Heather, for listening to the Holy Spirit and obeying. Your call that day, 4 years ago, saved my life. I love you.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Friday, January 4, 2008
New Year's Resolutions
I usually don't make New Years Resolutions because I don't like to set myself up for disappointment or failure. Lame, right? But I know myself well enough to know what is important to me and what things I tend to put on the back burner. I wish certain things were more important to me, but I slack on them.
Last year, however, I borrowed a friend's NYR. I resolved to do something I had never done before EVERY MONTH. And I'm happy to announce that I succeeded. Some months it was a challenge and other months, I was able to get in 3 or 4 new experiences. There were no rules; it simply had to be something that I, personally, had never done - big or small. Over the course of 2007, I brought in New Years in Times Square NYC, hitchhiked, got a tattoo, went to Sturgis Biker Rally, visited a clothing-optional beach, learned to play poker, skinny dipped (or in my case, chunky dunked), earned beads, donated blood, sponsored a child, bet on horse races, joined a running club, water skied and tubed, went to/participated in a live auction, rode a motorcycle and got my endorsement, bought a car by myself, went to San Francisco and saw the Golden Gate bridge and Alcatraz, went to Tijuana and so much more. The only other resolution that I can remember keeping was the resolution to travel out of my city at least once a month and that has been 3 years running. Hopefully I can continue the monthly new experiences as well.
I am on a quest to live life to the fullest and sometimes the mundane, day to day crap gets in the way. I get tired and bored and stagnant. But when I am challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone, to experience new things and to NOT allow fear to stop me - THAT is when I feel most alive.
This year I would like to work on bettering myself physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. If I can end 2008 feeling more healthy in every one of those areas, I'd be happy. I'd also like to see a stamp on my new passport before the year is through. But more than all of that, I simply want to have a grateful heart and positive attitude. I have spent too many years being cynical and suspicious and making my walls impenetrable. I think it's time to open myself up and that is the scariest challenge of all. So there you have it. I'm always up for suggestions and accountability to help me succeed in these areas so bring it on.
Last year, however, I borrowed a friend's NYR. I resolved to do something I had never done before EVERY MONTH. And I'm happy to announce that I succeeded. Some months it was a challenge and other months, I was able to get in 3 or 4 new experiences. There were no rules; it simply had to be something that I, personally, had never done - big or small. Over the course of 2007, I brought in New Years in Times Square NYC, hitchhiked, got a tattoo, went to Sturgis Biker Rally, visited a clothing-optional beach, learned to play poker, skinny dipped (or in my case, chunky dunked), earned beads, donated blood, sponsored a child, bet on horse races, joined a running club, water skied and tubed, went to/participated in a live auction, rode a motorcycle and got my endorsement, bought a car by myself, went to San Francisco and saw the Golden Gate bridge and Alcatraz, went to Tijuana and so much more. The only other resolution that I can remember keeping was the resolution to travel out of my city at least once a month and that has been 3 years running. Hopefully I can continue the monthly new experiences as well.
I am on a quest to live life to the fullest and sometimes the mundane, day to day crap gets in the way. I get tired and bored and stagnant. But when I am challenging myself to step out of my comfort zone, to experience new things and to NOT allow fear to stop me - THAT is when I feel most alive.
This year I would like to work on bettering myself physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, and spiritually. If I can end 2008 feeling more healthy in every one of those areas, I'd be happy. I'd also like to see a stamp on my new passport before the year is through. But more than all of that, I simply want to have a grateful heart and positive attitude. I have spent too many years being cynical and suspicious and making my walls impenetrable. I think it's time to open myself up and that is the scariest challenge of all. So there you have it. I'm always up for suggestions and accountability to help me succeed in these areas so bring it on.
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Feliz Navidad!
Merry Christmas, everyone!!! I'm sitting in a Starbucks (curse them, but at least they aren't playing Christmas music) because it's the only place that is open where I can get online (for a hefty fee... curse T-Mobile too!!!). But, I am in sunny San Diego and am having a great time. Life is good. I'm staying in our corporate apartment and enjoying exploring and watching sunsets and going to the beach and drinking wine and meeting new people. It's been a great couple of days. A much needed break from the cold.
I think I'm going to finish up an email and then head to the beach. I tried to find Black's Beach yesterday, but the google directions were not accurate. It's all good. I still found a beach and watched the sunset.
I hope that you are all happy and healthy and surrounded by people you love. Have an extra helping of ham/turkey/goose/stuffing/eggnog/hot buttered rum/etc. for me. I think I'll have steak and margaritas for my Christmas dinner.
Much love and God bless each and every one of you.
I think I'm going to finish up an email and then head to the beach. I tried to find Black's Beach yesterday, but the google directions were not accurate. It's all good. I still found a beach and watched the sunset.
I hope that you are all happy and healthy and surrounded by people you love. Have an extra helping of ham/turkey/goose/stuffing/eggnog/hot buttered rum/etc. for me. I think I'll have steak and margaritas for my Christmas dinner.
Much love and God bless each and every one of you.
Monday, December 10, 2007
Epiphany
These walls that I've constructed...
Built for my protection...
To protect my heart, my freedom, my independence...
They have become my prison.
Built for my protection...
To protect my heart, my freedom, my independence...
They have become my prison.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Thanksgiving
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!!! We all have so much for which to be grateful. May we all spend today focusing on all that we have been blessed with and NOT on what we don't have.
I am blessed with a colorful and always entertaining family who loves me for who I am, not what I've done.
I am rich in friends - people in my life who love me and often let me know I'm in their thoughts.
I have a Father in Heaven who daily shows me his love for me, who is faithful even in my infidelity and whose grace and mercy follow me always. Yes... I am very fortunate.
Today, I am thankful for my freedom. I was invited to so many holiday parties, but decided I needed some alone time. So, I am in Seattle, staying in our corporate apartment and plan to eat, watch football and movies, read and write and drink lots of wine.
I am thankful for the pain, the heartbreak, the love, the loss, the laughter and the joy that fill every day. I am thankful for where I have been, where I am now and for all that my future holds. I'm thankful for who I used to be and who I am now. I am alive and I feel it! Today, I am content.
I am blessed with a colorful and always entertaining family who loves me for who I am, not what I've done.
I am rich in friends - people in my life who love me and often let me know I'm in their thoughts.
I have a Father in Heaven who daily shows me his love for me, who is faithful even in my infidelity and whose grace and mercy follow me always. Yes... I am very fortunate.
Today, I am thankful for my freedom. I was invited to so many holiday parties, but decided I needed some alone time. So, I am in Seattle, staying in our corporate apartment and plan to eat, watch football and movies, read and write and drink lots of wine.
I am thankful for the pain, the heartbreak, the love, the loss, the laughter and the joy that fill every day. I am thankful for where I have been, where I am now and for all that my future holds. I'm thankful for who I used to be and who I am now. I am alive and I feel it! Today, I am content.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Used
I got a new car yesterday... well, not "NEW," new, but "previously owned," new-to-me, new.
Why do people think "previously owned" sounds better than "used." Makes me think of that email that went around not long ago with politically correct phrases for everything. I think it said something like, "She's not a slut, she has previously enjoyed companionship" or something like that. Ah well, at least she has only been "previously owned" or "used" by one other before me - and although she's got quite a few miles on her, she's in great condition.
Why am I calling her a "she"? Because all cars are feminine. Why is that? Who knows - probably because they are so needy, but as long as you treat them right, they give you what you want and are reliable and trust worthy. I'm sure you boys will have a different opinion.
So anyways, am I excited? No. People don't understand that, but I'm not excited about losing my camry. I didn't enjoy car shopping one bit. I didn't enjoy dealing with salesmen and finance officers and test drives. I am not excited about having another monthly payment. I am happy that the whole process is over, but I will second guess myself and my decision for probably the next month or so and then after a few road trips, if she handles well, THEN I will start to be happy and let her into my heart.
I'm a nerd - I know!
I did, however, find out this weekend that I'm the perfect girl. Well, I guess I already knew that, but I've yet to hear anyone tell me that - until yesterday. And then the question... "So, why are you single?" Good question! Must be because there are no perfect guys (at least not in Spokane)! Ha!
Why do people think "previously owned" sounds better than "used." Makes me think of that email that went around not long ago with politically correct phrases for everything. I think it said something like, "She's not a slut, she has previously enjoyed companionship" or something like that. Ah well, at least she has only been "previously owned" or "used" by one other before me - and although she's got quite a few miles on her, she's in great condition.
Why am I calling her a "she"? Because all cars are feminine. Why is that? Who knows - probably because they are so needy, but as long as you treat them right, they give you what you want and are reliable and trust worthy. I'm sure you boys will have a different opinion.
So anyways, am I excited? No. People don't understand that, but I'm not excited about losing my camry. I didn't enjoy car shopping one bit. I didn't enjoy dealing with salesmen and finance officers and test drives. I am not excited about having another monthly payment. I am happy that the whole process is over, but I will second guess myself and my decision for probably the next month or so and then after a few road trips, if she handles well, THEN I will start to be happy and let her into my heart.
I'm a nerd - I know!
I did, however, find out this weekend that I'm the perfect girl. Well, I guess I already knew that, but I've yet to hear anyone tell me that - until yesterday. And then the question... "So, why are you single?" Good question! Must be because there are no perfect guys (at least not in Spokane)! Ha!
Monday, October 15, 2007
Curses!
Friends, I am having a rough day and could use your prayers. As you know, my car was hit last week. I was able to track down the owner of the car that hit me and got his insurance information (Thank God!). His insurance company is totaling the car and have provided a rental car for me for a week.
However, the title is still under my married name WITH my ex-husband. A year and a half ago when I changed my name back, I tried to get the title changed over to my name. They said Alan had to sign a form and have it notarized and mail it back to me. I tried, unsuccessfully, to get in touch with Alan and get his address. He never responded. I got busy and forgot about it.
Now, the insurance company needs the title so I locate it and realize it is still in both our names. Crap! So, I have to get in touch with Alan, get his address and overnight the form to him. He, then, has to sign it, have it notarized and overnight it back to me. In a perfect world, this wouldn't be a huge issue. However, given my experiences with Alan since the divorce, this could be a problem. I don't even know how to get in contact with him so I had to contact his parents. Hopefully they will pass the information on to him. Then, IF he even responds and gives me his address, I'm not confident that he will sign it and send it back timely. Until I get this back from him, the Washington Department of Licensing will not change the title and I can't get my check until the title is taken care of. AND I only have my rental car until Thursday!!! Then, I'll be without a car.
Originally they told me that the divorce decree would work as long as it indicated that the car was mine. So, I spent hours digging through my old files and "The Emotional Sad (Alan) Box" to find the decree and property distribution form. But since the car's VIN number is not on that form, it is not sufficient for the DOL.
Seems lots is standing of the way here. Not sure why, but I am trying to remember to trust that things happen for a reason. I'm just unreasonably angry right now.
On a positive note, I took the motorcycle safety and training course over the weekend and passed! I get the endorsement added to my driver's license tomorrow. I'm so excited.
However, the title is still under my married name WITH my ex-husband. A year and a half ago when I changed my name back, I tried to get the title changed over to my name. They said Alan had to sign a form and have it notarized and mail it back to me. I tried, unsuccessfully, to get in touch with Alan and get his address. He never responded. I got busy and forgot about it.
Now, the insurance company needs the title so I locate it and realize it is still in both our names. Crap! So, I have to get in touch with Alan, get his address and overnight the form to him. He, then, has to sign it, have it notarized and overnight it back to me. In a perfect world, this wouldn't be a huge issue. However, given my experiences with Alan since the divorce, this could be a problem. I don't even know how to get in contact with him so I had to contact his parents. Hopefully they will pass the information on to him. Then, IF he even responds and gives me his address, I'm not confident that he will sign it and send it back timely. Until I get this back from him, the Washington Department of Licensing will not change the title and I can't get my check until the title is taken care of. AND I only have my rental car until Thursday!!! Then, I'll be without a car.
Originally they told me that the divorce decree would work as long as it indicated that the car was mine. So, I spent hours digging through my old files and "The Emotional Sad (Alan) Box" to find the decree and property distribution form. But since the car's VIN number is not on that form, it is not sufficient for the DOL.
Seems lots is standing of the way here. Not sure why, but I am trying to remember to trust that things happen for a reason. I'm just unreasonably angry right now.
On a positive note, I took the motorcycle safety and training course over the weekend and passed! I get the endorsement added to my driver's license tomorrow. I'm so excited.
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