Mom

It's Mother's Day and my heart is heavy. Normally, I'd send my mom flowers when I could afford it or a card and heartfelt letter when money was tight. At the very least, I'd wake up and call her first thing in the morning, before the craziness of her day ensued. I'd thank her for who she is in my life and for always being there for me.

Today is different. In the past 3+ months, I've spoken to my mother once for about 5 or 10 minutes. I don't have her phone number or an address where I can send something. She has made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want to be a part of my life right now and that hurts more than if anyone else I know walked out of my life. I didn't even know where she was until a couple of weeks ago! While I now know she is living with my uncle, I don't have his phone number or address and although I could find that information out, I don't know that she'd even talk to me.

Last year on Mother's Day, I wrote a blog about my mom. I hope and pray this is just one of those temporary lapse in judgment or one of those times of poor choices from which she will rise. I miss her more than words can express. She was my confidant, my advisor, my best friend... my mom. While we didn't always see eye to eye, our relationship was priceless to me. It grieves me that she was able to walk away from that. I feel abandoned. I think that what hurts the most is that all of my other brothers and sisters have heard from her. Not often, but at least since she moved to Texas. Why she chooses to avoid contact with me is beyond me.

So, in case you are out there somewhere, reading this, Mom... I miss you. I'm praying for you. I love you. Happy Mother's Day.