A little over a month ago, I received an invitation to a friend's wedding. When he contacted me for my address, I was more than a little surprised to hear that he was getting married, even though for as long as I've known him, he's wanted to get married (this is the 3rd girl he thought he was going to marry in less than a year). Even so, when I talked to him in June, he was very bitter about his most recent break up from another friend of mine (just a month or so before that) and had not even met this new girl yet [Red Flag 1]. Apparently they met and started dating mid-July. I told him I couldn't wait to meet her and suggested we all go out for dinner or a glass of wine or something (trying to be the supportive and accepting friend). He was very hesitant and indicated that would only be possible if I brought along a date. He didn't want to have to field questions about me or for her to be jealous of our friendship and he figured if I was there with a date, she would be less likely to question him [Red Flag 2]. I expressed my concern that this would even be an issue seeing as how we never dated or had a romantic relationship. His response was that since he used to like me and pursued me for a while before finally believing I was only interested in friendship, he didn't want her to know that because it may make her uncomfortable around me [Red Flag 3]. My opinion is that all that ALL of our past, good and bad, has helped shape who we are today so if someone falls in love with who someone is, although they may not approve of everything that person has done, they should recognize that it's because of all those things and people and events that they are who they are. Still, I agreed to find a date for our meeting...
Fast forward a couple months - the meeting still has not occurred. The invitation was sent to Sandra and Guest. I stopped by his office and he made it clear he would really appreciate it if I brought a date - not one of my girlfriends, a guy friend. A week or so ago he asked who I was bringing and I told him I would likely come alone because the last couple guys I've hung out with are no longer around. He seemed cool with it and said he'd just sit me with some of his single guy friends and it would all be fine, but he found it hard to believe I couldn't talk one of my "many guy friends" into attending with me.
Today I sent him a text message to confirm the date and time since I was updating my calendar but didn't have the invitation with me. Again he asked who I was bringing and again I told him I'd be coming alone. He said to bring a date – just a guy friend – I told him I didn't have any guy friends who like attending weddings for people they know, much less someone they don't know. His response: "Rent one then."
Um… wow! First of all, I know he'd be upset if I don't go. He's made that clear. But he'll also be upset if I don't bring a date because of the very minute possibility that his wife will ask questions about me. She's going to be so overwhelmed and wrapped up in the wedding plans and everything else going on, that she probably wont notice or even remember me. I know it's their day and things really should go how they want it to go and it's not about me, but I find it unfair and unreasonable to make me feel bad for not bringing a date or choosing not to attend at all. I feel like nothing will make him happy unless I show up with a guy. I'm torn. Do I simply tell him now that I regret that I won't be able to attend? Or do I tell him I'm bringing a guest and then show up alone with an excuse that something came up last minute and my date was unable to make it?
This is the first time someone has intentionally made me feel bad about a solo RSVP. For the first few years after my divorce, it really bothered me to receive invitations to Sandra & Guest because I hated saying I would be attending alone. And now that I'm finally comfortable doing anything and everything alone, I feel obligated to bring someone. Blech! Stupid! I'm irritated.
Anyone know of any classy escort services? I don't need to get laid, I just need a frickin date to a wedding!
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